Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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