You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Houston, we have a squirter
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
