Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
