I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
