Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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