heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
