when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
