puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
