You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
