I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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