He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
