Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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