You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The adults are the big ones right?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize