You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
