I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
They took my balls.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
