we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
