The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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