I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
