When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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