I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
