Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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