think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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