Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
