oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
