so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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