Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
