clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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