I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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