I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
