the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she looked like the before picture.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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