so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
