you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
