Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
