so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dick very happy bro
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize