i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
