Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
