Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
