so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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