You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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