How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We had to coat check the pizza.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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