11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she told me i tasted like america
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
