Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I need moral support for this bender
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize