btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
