I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
