I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
