he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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