How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize