He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
