Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
