when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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