What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
