I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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