I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I need to stop coming to work sober
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
