Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
