Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
