it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
