I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
