Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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